I will not complain about life, cause people take life for granted and don't realize that it is so precious and fragile. Life is short, so I focus on the good things in life instead of lingering on the small petty downfalls of life. Though things have been rough I will be optimistic... I have to keep my head held high. Events in my life have caused me to become down, but I will bury my tears here and let everything out. For years, our family have been struggling to find a new place to live cause the home we are currently living in is falling apart right before our eyes. We all used to live here, but about 3 months ago my grandma who used to live with us, broke away from this horrible place with her boyfriend. I must admit her leaving made life a lot less stressful... all she did was nag on and on about things that could not be changed. Now that she lives with her boyfriend, she has became distant and she has different priorities. Now it's just the three us who live in this broken down place, me, my mom and sister. Our family is struggling financially cause my mom has no job and we are just living of aid which is just a small sum of $420 a month. I wanted to help support our family, but I was only 15 and many places refused to hire me, so with me turing 16 just 2 weeks ago, I have been applying everywhere... hopefully a job comes in soon. From time to time we ask my grandma for help, but she is always playing broke, my mom tells me that she is far from broke... she gets $900 a month and her rent is only $190 and she has to pay no utilities. We all believe she is being influenced by her no- good boyfriend who hates kids and is a disgusting person at heart, normally my grandma wouldn't act so selfishly, but now that she has been living with this cold man... she has been changing slowly. Not to mention most of her financial needs are taken care of by him, I think she feels indebted to him. Finally about a week ago, we got a letter from a subsidized apartment complex, saying we could get in to their apartments, all we needed to do was an update on all our paper work. We were so excited, we thought we would finally be able to break free from this hell, but just yesterday we got a letter of denial. We were denied a new, happy home. I felt my heart shatter into a million pieces... but we have to keep looking... I know we will find that happy place.

My Dad, I met him when I was the age of nine for the first time ever and even then he hardly put an effort in to keep me in his life. Now, seven years later, he claims that he has been trying his hardest to spend time with me and he asks me wheres my effort? I have put much, much effort in keeping contact with him, I'm not the one who constantly changes my numbers without telling anyone or ups and moves with out anything even said to me... how am I suppose to? I have lived in the same place for years, I'm not going now where, why not stop by? I even have brothers and sisters I don't even know. Also my dad says I use him just for his money, when I rarely ask for money, except when I really need it... I don't even like asking, but as I said our family has been going through financial issues for years now and as his daughter I wish I could ask my father for money without him calling me a gold digger. I can't always depend on my mother who has nothing, sometimes I wish I could depend on my father. It disgust me that he would even think of me as such... a gold digger? You don't even know me and to have such a view on your daughter? Don't make such assumptions when you don't have a clue who I am. At most I would occasionally ask my dad to take me out shopping for clothes, which I hardly have any... that way we could spend time together and he could help me out, but if I even say anything about spending any of his money... he'll ignore me for months. So I stopped depending on my dad for anything... he doesn't understand what has been going on... and I told him I wanted to talk about things, but he just won't answer his phone anymore, he ignores my calls and turns off his phone.... I really don't want to talk about this anymore... I tried to get him to understand me... but apparently he doesn't want to know me.

Kawaii, Kawaii is one out of three kittens and she is my baby. She is a happy, playful, loving, hyper, little girl and she is very precious to me. Lately Kawaii hasn't been her self... she has no energy, she sleeps all day, she's losing weight, she's not eating and she is always cold. I have tried everything she just won't eat, she won't do anything and it is bringing me to tears... the little light in my life is fading and there is nothing I can do... we have no money for a vet visit and if we did I would take her there in a heart beat even if I had to walk 100 miles... I am just hoping... I am praying that she will pull through this... I can't lose her...

On 06/15/09 I lost my bestfriend and Girlfriend all in one day. We had to break up cause her mother wanted us to end it and if we didn't she would be punished... personally I don't think she had the right to do that, that wasn't her decision to make... she was capable to make her own, it's her life. She won't even allow us to see each other anymore. Me and my gf began going out on 05/18/09 and today would have, could have, should have been our one month anniversary. Before we begun going out we had been bestfriends for years... We met in kindergarden and lost contact, but in 6th grade we met again... I think it was a funny called fate. Even though me and her only went out for close to a month, I feel like we were in love long before we started going out... I feel I was just a bit blind to that love. Now that she is out of my life I am just now realizing what a big part of my life she is... everything seems to remind me of her... pictures... The kittens we found together (We both have kittens name Kawaii)... The home schooling program we started together... her shot glasses that are still at my house... Mozart {One time we were just hanging out and having fun and we decided to play a little mozart and we made a whole story based on the song as it went on}... When I write, I think of the story she wrote called "Carrie Red" it makes me feel like I had a little part in her starting to write stories like me... Throne park, the park we always went to together... Seven Eleven we had such a fun time in their parking lot {lol}... Nana, this show she introduced her to... Anime, I made her an anime fan... My hair color, we dyed our hair together... her glasses which my sister is wearing... the burnette's bottle on my entertainment center... Myspace... Her mom's purse and so much more... how can I take you out my life when your so important? How? Impossible... that's how I know that somehow, someway... Things will work it's way out... I believe it.

06/20/09
This morning we found Kawaii's small fragile... lifeless body under the bed. Idk what to do I am losing my mind... I loved her so much. R.I.P. And today my family has been at each other throat's arguing over the most trivial things... but all us in a foul mood is based on our living condition... Today we managed to scrape up $20 so my sister could get her lip pierced, which she just HAD to get done, no gas in the car and a bad tire, but we go anyways... Horray, horray, the princess got her lip pierced and she says "Oh it didn't hurt, I'm so happy now." At least let her go through a little pain for what she caused us today... and on the way home... we start to here it... the tire. So we pull into a nearby taco bell and park, we have a tire pumper, but it was no use we were there for 20 minutes and nothing the air was seeping out to fast. So since home isn't too far away we decide to ride slowly on the rim, but we had to get on one of the main roads and people acted like douches, we finally made it to the small streets and we tried to pump again, no luck... so we continued driving on the rim and what usually took 1 minute tops, took 20 minutes, but we managed to get home. We couldn't park in the driveway, so we parked on the street and our beautiful cat named Casper was outside. Everytime we came home Casper would greet us if she was outside, but this time we were across the street, so Casper... eager to greet us tries to run to us, but doesn't realizes a car is coming... and us with our mind on something else... doesn't realize either... until we she her small body fly across the road and land on the other side... I wanted to catch that person so badly, but I couldn't move... it happened so fast... I couldn't look, my whole body started shaking and I begin screaming and tears started rolling down my cheeks... and the neighbors came out to watch... {pathetic} I thought "after a hit like that she couldn't be okay" so I didn't look at all... but I could hear her cries... I couldn't bare it, I ran into to the house crying and a few minutes later my mom came in carrying casper... she smelt like blood and I could she her mouth and her snow white fur covered in blood, but she was alive and breathing really hard, so since we didn't have money we called our grandma and asked her to take her to an emergency vet... 20 minutes later she came to get Casper with her boyfriend and they were off... I am praying with all my heart for Casper... such a loving, smart and beautiful cat... so innocent... I love her as if she's my family... she has been part of this family for 6 years. Why are things like this? Why?

~ Latise